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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27335212">Grief Therapy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/car_yl/pseuds/car_yl'>car_yl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Grief/Mourning, Therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:09:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,259</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27335212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/car_yl/pseuds/car_yl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's remaining friends insist he talk to somebody.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Dresden/Karrin Murphy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a companion piece to Mourning Murphy but is intended to stand alone.</p><p>The usual disavowals of ownership of the characters or universe. The usual acknowledgement to the actual creator of said characters, etc. And the usual assurances that this is a work of amateur fiction. Also, this isn't published anywhere else.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>PROLOGUE</p><p> </p><p>“Georgia, please. You know he can’t go to a vanilla therapist. How can he talk about Karrin without mentioning vampires and werewolves and…” Will was practically on his knees begging her to violate her ethics and take me on as a patient.</p><p>“No Will, I can’t risk my license. It’s unethical. Besides, you know Harry’s not going to let me ’shrink’ him. He knows it’s against the rules for me to take on family or friends as patients and he won’t do it. He won’t allow me to put myself in danger for him. No matter how much he needs help.” She frowned at her husband gesturing in my general direction as I stood with my hands in the front pockets of my jeans, leaning my shoulders into the nearest wall with my head in a hangdog position, looking at the toes of my shoes.</p><p>“Is there someone on the Paranet? Or maybe you could just offer him some grief counseling. That’ld work, wouldn’t it Harry?,” he rushed on before I could respond. “I mean it’s not like he can go to one of the support groups. He’s the hero of the Battle. Everyone who survived the Battle knows who he is.” Will was raking his hands through his hair. He was so distressed about me. “He still hasn’t come back to game night. Between Lara and Mab he’s being kept on a pretty short leash.”</p><p>Georgia sighed, long and loud, “All right Will. I’ll see what I can do." I took that as my cue to leave.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Session 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry's first time in therapy of any kind.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>SESSION 1</p><p>“I just can’t face talking to strangers about that night. I don’t even know if I can talk to you about it Georgia, but, at least, you were there. You put your family, your child at risk just like I did. You’ll understand. You know how lucky we were not to lose more.” I was still standing stiffly in the center of the room.</p><p>“Harry, it’s good to talk about her. It Will ease the pain.” Georgia put one hand on my shoulder encouraging me to talk- about Karrin. Talking has never been my strong suit and talking about Karrin… I still can’t even say her name without a stutter or a tear.</p><p>“If you say so,” I grumped. “Where do we start?”</p><p>It seems grief counseling isn’t as restrictive on dealing with friends and relatives as the rest of Georgia’s practice, or at least that’s what she’s telling me. I’m not sure it’s true. Will is the one who insisted she take me on. My few remaining friends are worried about me. So, I agreed to try talking to Georgia. They mean well, but I’ve been through this or something like it before. I know it’s going to take a long time for me to get over Karrin and I’m really not in a hurry. I’ve got centuries, if I live a full wizardly life. -Don’t bet on it though. The Odds are Not in my favor.</p><p>“Start with telling me what you loved about Karrin,” She suggested.</p><p>I decided to sit on the couch in Georgia’s small office. I let my head hang practically to my navel, my elbows on my knees, my hands grasped nervously in front of me. I’d literally been wringing them.</p><p>“Um Georgia, could you turn off the radio? I have a feeling I’m gonna hex it before today is over. Besides, I have a problem with music right now.”</p><p>“Oh?” an unspoken question in that syllable. When I didn’t answer after a moment or two she turned off the radio and asked, “Why?”</p><p>“A few months ago,” I cleared my throat around a lump that had suddenly appeared there, “all the love songs on the radio made sense. They were all about Karrin and me. Now?” I stood and began to pace. It only took me 3 paces to get from once side of the office to the other. I wrapped my arms around and over my chest, over the hole in my heart. “God, they just make me hurt! They all remind me what I’ve lost- and after only a taste, a tease of how good it could have been.”</p><p>“Harry, you’re going to make yourself dizzy pacing like that.” Georgia said softly, with just a tiny hint of a tease in her voice.</p><p>I looked in her direction. I must have looked as totally stunned as I suddenly felt. It was the first time any of my friends had teased me in months. I’d stopped pacing. I was just staring at Georgia’s willowy frame as she sat almost curled into the leather and chrome monstrosity she used as an office chair. I expelled a loud breath in a kind of huff and instead of dissolving in tears as I’d been doing recently, I laughed. Not a full, hearty laugh, just a short bark of a laugh as I froze to the spot. Then I sank into the matching sofa and laughed and laughed until it started to sound hysterical and then I dissolved into tears. Georgia just let me go on until I stopped on my own.</p><p>“It’s okay to laugh Harry. It’s okay to feel whatever you feel about Karrin’s death. It’s also okay to tell any of your friends who will listen what you’re feeling when you feel it.” Georgia had laid a hand on my knee. Well, it did reach across the space almost to her chair. In my head I heard Karrin’s voice making a comment about my stork legs and the corner of my mouth twitched up briefly.</p><p>“It’s just that I usually talk this kind of thing through with T- Thomas,” There was a hitch in my voice when I said it. For me those 48-ish hours had been all kinds of personally costly. Thomas isn’t exactly dead, but he’s also not here and won’t be, for who knows how long.</p><p>“I see,” Georgia hummed, “So it’s not just about Karrin.”</p><p>“I guess not.” I sounded a little surprised even to my own ears. “I guess I haven’t really taken time to, you know, look at how I feel about any of it. I’ve just boxed it up and dealt with the immediate problems; Maggie, Lara, Mab, Marcone, rebuilding the Castle and well, Chicago and the Paranet. Without Karrin-“ And again I couldn’t make myself say her name without it catching in my throat.</p><p>“Harry, we’ve got to find you someone else to talk to.” Georgia put her feet on the floor and it was her turn to stand up. She’d closed her notebook.</p><p>“Why?” I almost pleaded.</p><p>“Because I lost her too. I’m not supposed to feel what you feel as your therapist. I’m supposed to stay neutral, impassive- and I’m not.”</p><p>“But who Georgia? I can’t just pick one out of the yellow pages. I’m on the outs with the White Council. So, I can’t exactly ask anyone there for help. You couldn’t find anyone on the Paranet and neither could Bob. And if Mab or anybody in Winter finds out I’m getting ‘therapy’…” I threw my hands in the air.</p><p>“Bob?” she queried.</p><p>“Yeah, Butters still lets him use his connection to the internet and he kind of keeps me informed about things he thinks I need to know.” I dropped back into the head down, forearms on knees pose.</p><p>Georgia sighed long and deeply, “Okay, well, we’ll both keep looking and I’ll keep seeing you for now. But just until we find someone else because it would be irresponsible of me to deny you any help at all at this point.”</p><p>“O-kay, I guess.” I acknowledged her offer, a sigh of relief escaping. I really didn’t want to talk about my sh** with a stranger. It’s hard enough telling a friend. Well, a friend’s wife. It’s really Will I relate to. Georgia’s too smart for me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Session 10?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
SESSION 10</p><p>“So, Harry, what’s been going on this week?” That was Georgia’s first question after getting me seated in her office.</p><p>“Maggie’s been accepted to St. Mark’s. She’s gonna start there in the fall. And guess what?”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll bite,’ Georgia said with a sly grin.</p><p>I smiled at her, “Yeah, I see what you did there. The child of an old client is on staff there.”</p><p>“Is that a good thing?” Georgia asked in as neutral a voice as I’ve ever heard.</p><p>“Okay, she’s in therapist mode now,” I thought. “Yeah, I think so,” I responded, “the kid and I have a good rapport. I helped him get out of a couple of scrapes as a kid and actually helped him and his girl get out from under their parents thumbs. His folks were grateful. Hers, not so much.” </p><p>“50/50 huh?”</p><p>“Yeah, but both the kid and his wife are good kids. They’re both on staff. They’ve promised to keep an ear to the ground where Maggie is concerned for me. Not that they’ll either one be her instructors but it’s nice to know there’s a ‘friendly’ on campus since I won’t be able to watch as closely over her as I’d like.” I shrugged.</p><p>“Isn’t St. Mark’s a boarding school?” Georgia probed.</p><p>“Yeah, but she’ll only be there during the week. Mouse will be with her there. On the weekends she’ll either be with me or the Carpenters and on holidays and breaks and such.” I’d dropped back into the forearms on legs posture I always seemed to adopt on Georgia’s office furniture. But today my head wasn’t hanging down to my navel, though I was still looking at my shoes. I looked up toward Georgia, “She’ll be safer if she’s not at Chateau Raith on a daily basis. I want her as far away from Lara and her family as I can keep  her.”</p><p>“Ah, yes. Probably a very good decision then. And how is Maggie taking that?” she was pushing a bit, I felt.</p><p>“She’s a smart kid. We discussed it and though she doesn’t love the idea, she kind of gets it. At least she’s accepting it because she knows it makes me feel better.” I shrugged again.</p><p>“And how are You handling this change?” Oh, how Was I handling it?</p><p>“Well, huh, I, um,..I don’t love it either? But Maggie and I talked it out together. I even let Eb and the Carpenters put in their two cents worth and, well, we pretty much all agree that it’s a good compromise for the given situation.” I looked back at my shoes.</p><p>“I’ll bet Eb had more than two cents worth to say about you and Lara Raith.” Georgia just threw that out there and let it lie.</p><p>“Don’t want to discuss that right now.” I growled</p><p>“Anything you DO want to talk about?” She asked again in a neutral tone.</p><p>“Hell Bells Georgia,” I responded a bit testily, “I don’t want to talk about ANY of it. That’s why I’m here isn’t it? Because I can’t talk about this stuff without someone …” I made a pulling motion with my hands.</p><p>“Okay then Harry, why don’t you tell me what you loved about Karrin, what you miss most?” Is that a good suggestion? I don’t know.</p><p>“What didn’t I love about Karrin Murphy? That might be easier.” I dodged.</p><p>“Okay, what DIDN’T you love about Karrin?” </p><p>“What!?” I queried. I raised my head to look toward her. I didn’t expect her to go There.</p><p>“Come on Harry. I loved her too, but she wasn’t perfect. There must be something that irritated you about her. Something she did that you didn’t like. I’ve got a short list for Will, if that will help” Georgia prompted with a half-smile from her position across the room. Her long, lithe form stretched comfortably over her chair. She was wearing dark framed glasses, a white button down shirt with a cardigan sweater in a burgundy color over grey dress slacks and had her hair pulled back in a tight pony-tail. Sort of halfway between professional therapist mode and purely friend mode. Jeans and lose the glasses if just friend mode; no loose hair and a notepad and pencil if purely professional because we both knew the recorder she used with her other patients wouldn’t work. Huh, no notes today?</p><p>I got my mind back on track and thought for a few moments, staring into the middle distance, trying to think of anything Karrin had ever done that made me angry. I mean, I knew it had happened. Lots! I was just having trouble putting my finger on something specific. All I could think of at the moment is that she’d always been an angel in my Sight, a guardian or avenging angel to be sure but still… an angel.</p><p>“Think about the last time you argued.” Georgia suggested. “What was it about?”</p><p>I remembered Karrin cutting off those damned casts. We hadn’t exactly argued but it had been a tense discussion. </p><p>“It was something we had in common.” I recalled. “We are both- were both- God, I can’t get the verbs right!” </p><p>I stood and began to pace the little room as I had the weeks before. It suddenly felt cramped and too small. I felt an urge to run. To run away from the pain, from Georgia, from this too little room, from .., everything! </p><p>“Don’t worry about grammar Harry, Just tell me,” she urged.</p><p>“She was too willing to put herself in harm’s way, But that wasn’t really an argument, More the pot calling the kettle black. That was her phrase. When I asked her to stay behind she let me know in no uncertain terms that she’d take a backseat when I did. But I wasn’t broken, injured then. She was.”</p><p>“You’ve fought battles while injured in the past.” She stated.</p><p>“Yeah, so Karrin pointed out. Strenuously.” I told her.</p><p>“What else? The two of you used to get quite loud sometimes, in your ‘discussions’. What else prompted you to raise your voice?” Georgia can be persistent it seems.</p><p>“Um, mortal law. When it applied and when it didn’t; when mortal law enforcement could and could not be involved and what we could tell mortal authorities and what we couldn’t. But that argument is almost as old as our acquaintance. God, she used to get so mad at me for not telling her things, for trying to protect her. And I used to hate not being able to tell her. But eventually that became a non-issue.” I sighed, “eventually I told her everything about everything because I couldn’t Not tell her because I … loved her.” I swallowed hard.</p><p>“Is there anyone else who knows everything about everything?” Latched onto that, didn’t she.</p><p>“Thomas,” my mouth suddenly felt dry. “I think I’ve told him about everything.” I poured a glass of water from a pitcher on a metal tray on a small side table next to Georgia’s chair.</p><p>“Hard for you to open up to people then, Harry?”</p><p>“Hells Bells, Georgia, you’re pushy.” I huffed after a few swallows, trying to hide my emotional difficulty. I know she saw it. Hence the strategic placement of the water.</p><p>“Yep,” Georgia responded with a smile and a wink.</p><p>“Err,” I stalled, “Um, I-“ something was trying to get out, something part of me didn’t want to say or admit. “I- She- I Hated that she- that she put us off so long! And I hate that I let her! Years! Years of hemming and hawing and then we only had months!” I set the glass down quickly before it shattered. I’d felt my hands beginning to clench into fists.</p><p>I was yelling. I’d begun pacing pacing again but now I was rigid and panting. I realized I was angry at Karrin?! I was blaming her for lost joy because when we’d finally gotten together it had been good, really good, perfect even. We could have had years if she hadn’t been so … stubborn and fearful and….</p><p>And I’d been too afraid of losing her to fight. I’d just accepted her decision. But you can’t force someone to love you. Now I was angry at myself!</p><p>I slumped down onto the sofa, I felt tired, as if I’d run a marathon in my weighted vest.<br/>
How could I be angry?! At either of us- I was the one who recognized and broke the Love Curse at the State Faire. If I’d left it alone- But no, others were being hurt. We’d HAD to break that spell. Yet I’d so wanted to hold onto what it gave us. The scary thing was it hadn’t given me anything except an acceptance of what I already felt. Had it really given Karrin more than that?</p><p>I’d been sitting holding my head in my hands for- I don’t know how long. “Feeling better?” asked Georgia.</p><p>“I felt angry. Why?” I asked looking toward my counselor.</p><p>“Anger is part of the cycle Harry. You have to let yourself feel all of the emotions. You can’t just wallow in the one, the loss. Let yourself feel the anger and the love and everything.” she made circling gestures with both her hands on the ‘everything’.</p><p>“Hell Bells, Georgia, I’m so tired.” I sprawled on the sofa like a dramatic teenager. Georgia laughed at me. </p><p>“Good Harry, get some rest. Go think about what you’ve discovered. I’ll see you next week. Then we’ll talk about what you loved best about her. Write it down. Make a list for next time.” She rose. I rose. She hugged me.</p><p> I went home to Maggie and Mouse and when they were in bed that night, I ranted and raved at myself, at Karrin, at Rudolph, at Ethniu, at Thomas, at Nemesis, at fate. Then I cried … again and slept like a dead man, in my own bed for the first time in weeks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. THINGS I, HARRY DRESDEN, LOVE(D ) ABOUT KARRIN MURPHY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The list Harry made at Georgia's request.<br/>Bolded text is what he wrote. Regular text is Harry's verbal expansion on the list.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>THINGS I, HARRY DRESDEN, LOVE(D ) ABOUT KARRIN MURPHY</p><p> 1) <strong>Once she trusted me, she trusted me.</strong> <br/>
 Yeah, it took us a while to get there but once Karrin Murphy placed her trust in me- well, anyone- it was unshakable. Nobody could turn her against someone she trusted</p><p>2) <strong>The way I saw her as an angel.</strong><br/>
  Sure, she got battered and beaten and sullied by the things she saw and fought, but an angel she remained. If I didn’t have it on good authority she’s now an Einherjar, I’d be sure there was another angel in heaven; a guardian angel- with a sword, like the one at the gates of Eden.</p><p>3) <strong>The way my name sounded from her lips.</strong> <br/>
 It didn’t matter if she was balling me out for some stupid thing I’d done or some secret piece of information I couldn’t tell her or if she was whispering it in my ear or calling it out in the throes of passion -well, especially that last one- I love(d) to hear her say it. And that last one-  I didn’t get to hear that one enough. But with Karrin-  Would  there ever have been enough?</p><p>4) <strong>Her eyes.</strong> <br/>
 She could say so much with them. I wish I could’ve stared into them, drowned in them. But we never soulgazed. Karrin said we didn’t need to but I know that I avoided it out of fear. Fear that she wouldn’t love what she saw if I let her see the ‘real’ me. Damn, I should have taken the risk.</p><p>That she could <strong>see</strong> me with them. I was rarely ever able to conceal anything from Karrin because, even without being able to look me directly in the eye, she could read me like a book. She knew every nuance of every expression I was ever able to make. She’d learned them, learned me; better than I learned her that’s for certain.</p><p>5) <strong>Her Hair.</strong><br/>
  She thought I preferred it long. I only wanted it long  enough to run my fingers through, long enough to hold the scent of that strawberry shampoo. The only haircut she ever had that I didn’t like was the buzzcut she had while I was ‘dead’. But I didn’t really have to deal with that. That was before we quit playing will we/ won’t we. Heck, it was her hair. She could do what she wanted with it. All I needed was to be able to touch it, sniff it, bury my face in it. Soft, it was soft. You get what I’m saying?</p><p>6) <strong>Her Muscles.</strong><br/>
  Yeah, I know that sounds weird. She was built like a gymnast; compact and toned and firm. Feeling those muscles under my palm, the flex and release of them, the contrast with the softer parts of her- Glad I got to experience that before-</p><p>7) <strong>Her Strength</strong><br/>
 I saw Karrin Murphy as practically superhuman. She was so afraid of the time when she wouldn’t be that strong. She thought I wouldn’t love her if she was weak and unable to fight by my side. I knew I would, that we’d adapt. Now we never get to work that out.</p><p>But it wasn’t just the physical strength I loved. It was her, all of her. Her inner strength, the way she pulled herself back together after each and every assault she survived; Kravos and Papa Raith to name but two. She always came back stronger than before. She had the scars to prove it; physical and emotional. They showed on her skin and in my Sight. Yeah, ‘she ‘took a lickin’ and kept on tickin’”. Until- she didn’t. Until Rudolph….</p><p>8) <strong>Her Taste.</strong><br/>
Not her taste in men, me included. Her actual taste, Mmm Strawberries- ’Nuf said. </p><p>9) <strong>Her Brains.</strong><br/>
 The only dumb things Karrin Murphy ever did revolved around me. She trusted me. She loved me. Other than those, she was one smart cookie. Stars! She’d hate me calling her a ‘cookie’.</p><p>10) <strong>Her Courage.</strong><br/>
 She always looked the truth, reality in the eye and never balked at it. Hell’s Bells, she faced down a Loup Garau with nothing but a handgun. The night we met she faced down a troll! She only barely blinked when she came face to face with my world, with magic, with all the horrors; Sidhe, werewolves, ghouls… I could go on, but do I need to? <br/>
 </p><p>The only time she let fear get the better of her was with us; being afraid to risk hurting me like Susan had, being afraid I’d hurt her like Rick had. We didn’t get the chance.</p><p>11)<strong> The Way She Was With Maggie.</strong><br/>
 She was good with Maggie; didn’t push, made sure Maggie knew it wasn’t a competition. She seemed to know just what to say to make Maggie feel secure and not threatened by the ‘other’ woman. She would have been such a good influence on Maggie, such a good - mom.</p><p>12) <strong>Her Skills.</strong> <br/>
 I loved that she was sharpshooter, that she had more trophies than any other lone cop in all of CPD. I loved that she was a martial artist, that she could hand me my ass if I stepped out of line. Well, if I didn’t use magic anyway. Come on! She trained with Einherjar. Stars! On her last night alive she bested a literal giant! No wonder the Einherjaren wanted her. (Well, Odin, if you’re listening, you better want me too when Mab’s done with me.)</p><p>13) <strong>Her Hands.</strong> <br/>
 Skilled hands, see above. The feel of them on me. I don’t have the words for that, for what her touch did to, for me. They could and did soothe, encourage, comfort and yes, arouse. Whatever she wanted them to do, they did. </p><p>14) <strong>Her Lips.</strong><br/>
 I loved watching her mouth when she talked. She could ‘talk’ without words just by the way she shaped those lips; those soft, warm, plump strawberry lips. I loved the feel of them anywhere on my body, especially against my mouth. Another thing I didn’t get enough of, that I could never have gotten enough of.</p><p>15) <strong>Her Laugh.</strong><br/>
  Even if or maybe especially when she was laughing at me. She said she didn’t, but she liked my juvenile sense of humor. I loved to make her laugh, to lighten the mood, even back in our early SI days. Things were kind of dark with us a lot of the time. We needed those laughs. Never could get enough of her laugh.</p><p>16) <strong>Her Snort.</strong><br/>
  It’s not every five foot nothing blond female who can make that sound, or make it sound natural coming from her body. I loved that about her. Nothing she ever did seemed unnatural or not right. Even incongruous things like snorts and grunts and other typically male non-verbal communications. She had this soft growl she made when- well, in very private moments.</p><p>17) <strong>Her Secret Love of Pink</strong><br/>
 I saw her childhood room once and it was Very pink. But as a cop she saved pink for pieces that wouldn’t be seen by the rank and file, namely underwear. I didn’t enjoy sharing that revelation with Kincaid. I wonder if he ever saw her lingerie drawer and just how much pink was in there. I wonder if any of the  pink in there were gifts from  him! Yeah, he’d be the kind to buy her sexy underwear. He bought her a P90. Why not lingerie? </p><p>On the other hand, I never actually saw any really sexy underwear. Cute, pink, a few bits of lace but not Victoria’s Secret and certainly not Fredrick’s of Hollywood type sexy stuff. Well, once we reached the part where I was getting to see much underwear she wasn’t wearing much because of the casts and if we got that far- down to that level of undress I mean,- well it didn’t stay on long enough to pay attention to. Naked was better anyway.</p><p>18) <strong>Her Passion.</strong><br/>
 In all its forms. Yet, unlike Susan, Karrin’s passion for truth wasn’t ‘truth at any cost’. Murphy balanced her passions against the greater good. She didn’t like the secrets she had to keep because of me but she understood why. Her passion for me-? I will be forever thankful that she was passionate about, for and with me. If only for a short while. It was- better than I’d dreamed!</p><p><strong>To be cont</strong>.</p><p>“This what you wanted, Georgia?” I asked as I held out the list for her perusal in hands that trembled slightly,</p><p>“Yes Harry, this is what I hoped for.” She took the list and glanced down at it. Then she handed it back. “Put that somewhere safe but close, where you can refer to it from time to time. Add to it at your leisure. If you do add to it and want to tell me about it, I’ll listen.” </p><p>I gently folded the single sheet of paper and slipped it into my duster pocket.</p><p>“We done for today?” I asked while still turned away toward the duster which was hanging over the back of the sofa.</p><p>“If you want to be.” Georgia’s voice was soft. She made the statement almost a question.</p><p>“Damn Georgia, I hate therapist voice.” I said, wiping a hand over my face which was dry. I shot her a half smile. “Yeah, I think I’m done for today.”</p><p>“Okay Harry. I don’t think we should continue with a standing appointment any more, but I’m here if you want to talk.”</p><p>My eyebrows rose, “Really?!”</p><p>“We both know this was Will’s idea and that you only came to prevent him from staging an intervention.” She laughed.</p><p>“Yeah,” I smiled back at her.</p><p>“Call me or Will or Butters or any one of your friends the next time you need to vent. We’ll all listen. Just don’t bottle up the hurt and pain like you’ve done in the past. It’s not good for you or for Maggie.” She’d leaned forward to grasp my wrist and give it a comforting squeeze. “And please, I still think you should find someone else to talk to about what’s in those internal boxes.”</p><p>“Can’t make any promises, but I’ll try,” I offered her.</p><p>“Come over for game night this week?” She let go of my wrist and made a show of cleaning the lenses of her specs.</p><p>“I’ve got Maggie.” I demurred. </p><p>“The girls can keep each other occupied. At least give it a try?” She wheedled. Not her usual MO.</p><p>“Okay, okay, we’ll be there.” I smiled, throwing up my hands in surrender and adding a little chuckle. “Will that make ‘the leader of the pack’ happy?”</p><p>Georgia laughed at that, “He’ll be ecstatic.”</p><p>I rose and gathered my duster and staff. “See you then.” I said.</p><p>“Yay,” Georgia laughed again.</p><p>I noticed myself patting the pocket with the list in it quite a few times that day. When I finally made it home, I put the list in the fireproof safe I’d had installed in the lab. Safe but nearby, as per Dr. Georgia’s orders.</p><p>TWO WEEKS LATER</p><p>We were calling the game for the night. Maggie was asleep on my shoulder. Mouse was making noises like he needed a trip outside. Natalie was already tucked up in her bed for the night. Yet, we were still seated around the table, talking softly in deference to the sleeping child when Butters started sharing “Karrin Stories”. He told how he’d first met her, -God, he’d known her almost as long as me- and how they’d become friends because she believed him about the ‘Velvet Room incident’, as he referred to it.</p><p>The other Alphas each told how they’d met Karrin, mostly due to me. I sat there listening quietly and felt a warm glow. I was smiling a small, very watery smile. My eyes were prickly with unshed tears when it was my turn. I cleared my throat and with eyes leaking all over my face but a smile on my  lips, I told them the story of Faith Astor and the Troll. I even managed to laugh through my tears as I admitted that Karrin pulled my fat out of the fire that night. I felt a fair bit of pride when I told them how well Karrin had dealt with her first brush with my world. I felt a release sharing the tale. Still the tears were flowing. I wiped at my cheeks. Georgia handed me a napkin. I took it, wiping my face while smiling.</p><p>“Are you okay Harry?” Butters asked, a frown bringing his dark brows to almost meet over his beaky nose.</p><p>“Yeah,” I continued drying my face. “It’s just kind of nice to hear someone else talk about her, ya’ know? Even her family thinks I should be moving on, putting her behind me, mostly because of Lara, I guess. I quit going over when they invite me because they don’t want to talk about her, like, AT ALL; don’t want to even say her name. I mean, if everyone forgets  her there’s a chance I might see her again before I die, but,” I stopped and swallowed hard to dislodge the lump in my throat, “I still remember her. And I didn’t know how good it would feel to know other people do too.” </p><p>Maggie stirred as we became the center of a group hug. I wasn’t the only one with tears and a smile. “God, what would Thomas say about this?” I asked no one in particular. “He’d never stop teasing me about turning on the waterworks.” And just like that, I opened another one of those boxes.</p><p> </p>
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